Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
