How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
