i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
