I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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