Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
