Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
