you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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