Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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