Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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