I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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