"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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