if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
