BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
