my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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