I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
