He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
