there was a trapeze. enough said
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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