Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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