CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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