Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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