how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
