I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
