i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
