Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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