New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
