someone owes me an orgasm
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
