I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
