He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
