I want you more than these girls want KFC
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
FUCK WHALES
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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