Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
