I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
