You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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