Don't you send me to vm
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
