she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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