Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
