have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
