i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
