My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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