I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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