it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
