1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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