I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
