I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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