It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
