I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
