May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
