Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
