with your own penis?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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