Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
