I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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