Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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