drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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