i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
